The more you know….

28 Dec

“…my people perish from a lack of knowledge…” Hosea 4:6

What is it that you are running from because you are scared to face?  What is it that you don’t understand; yet fear, doubt, worry and uncertainty keep you from completely grasping?  What is it that you really want or need to do, but put off because you don’t have the knowledge or skill level you think you should have in order to be successful?  And what are you doing about it?  What is stopping you from learning?

Many times, we face situations that could have easily been avoided or rectified if only we more clearly understood the circumstances.  For example, many people juggle finances in such a terrible way simply because they never learned good money management skills.  This lack of understanding leads to fear, which leads to unresolved and explained inferences about debt that are often untrue.  The LOVE of money is the root of all evil, not the money itself, so learning how spend, manage, and budget money more wisely can lead to prosperity in not only your own life, but in the lives of others.

Another example is education.  EVERYONE is teachable.  Just because you struggle in a subject is no cause for you to give up on it.  Do you realize that overcoming your frustration with that particular topic also teaches you how to tackle difficult situations that you will encounter in life? Any college graduate will attest to perseverance, tenacity, and determination as the driving factors in their success.  Those same qualities also carry over in family, work, and other situations.  I would even dare to say that the fact that you even finished college is what most people are encouraged and impressed by upon meeting you.

Do you understand that knowledge is how you battle the fear that tries to overtake you? Understanding the very thing that you fear is your greatest arsenal against the anxiety the builds inside of you everything you think about that fear.  Expanding your information base opens more doors and clarifies more opportunities in your life.  The phrase ‘Ignorance is Bliss’ has stifled our culture.  It has given many the misconception that saying ‘I don’t know’ is an acceptable answer.  It is not!  Figure it out!! Use your resources!! Ask questions!!  Unfortunately, you can’t expect everyone to be honest and trustworthy in this world.  You have to take the time to learn and gain an understanding for yourself so that you don’t fall into the various traps that are set.

Make a decision today to learn more about what you fear.  If its finances, take a financial management class or read a book.  If it’s education, hire a tutor or check out the MANY online resources available. Don’t let your lack of understanding hinder you another day! It is never too late to start.

Be Blessed!

The gift of the giver…

22 Dec

‘Tis the season… to what?  Get as many gifts as you can? Spend as much money as you can?  Outdo the next person with newest, latest, greatest thing?  Over the years, the society that we live in has twisted and contorted the true meaning of Christmas and created a season of debt which leads to overspending.  They have take the love out of the season and traded it in for greed.  We have become so accustomed to spending money during the holiday season that our children feel jilted when they don’t receive what they asked for regardless of their behavior, grades, or attitudes.  Even other adults look at you like something is seriously wrong with you because you haven’t spent at least half of your paycheck getting your children, friends, family, co-workers, and associates the BEST gift you can afford.  Never mind that you have bills to pay, “sacrificing” your bill money has become acceptable during this season.  Even the humble task of helping those less fortunate than yourself has turned into a competition to see who can bless the most homeless, who can buy the most presents for the angel tree recipient, and who can contribute the most tax-deductible charitable dollars.  It is no longer about caring for someone else, but about much we can get other to notice how much bling we acquire this season.

We have forgotten the real reason for this season entirely.  This season was set aside many years ago to celebrate the birth of a savior.  A humble man, born into poverty and lack only to die in injustice.  We celebrate God’s gift of life in this season and how precious it was.  In honor of the sacrifice He made for us, we should be giving of our self.  We should be sacrificing our time and our talent, not just during this season but throughout the year.  What have you encountered during this time that required you to get outside of your comfort zone? What has come to you this season that has required you to get over your attitude and humble yourself for the benefit of another person?  When is the last time you stopped thinking about your needs and took into account someone else’s.

It is important that we take time and understand that this season is about the birth of a child, caring for others, and promoting selflessness because it is the right thing to do.  This season should serve as a reminder to us all that our lives are fleeting and worthy to be cherished.  Every time you sacrifice your time, talent, and energy for some else, you are giving life to a dream, a vision, a hope in another person. When you give of yourself, you receive a priceless intangible gift that can never be returned.  You receive encouragement to your soul and strength in your spirit.  When you take time to do for others, you don’t have time to worry about your own problems.  Helping someone else out of their situation helps you out of your own.  You receive peace and  joy.  Your spirit is calmed and at ease, and you are able to truly enjoy life.

God knew that there would be times when you are overwhelmed with our own life and feel like things aren’t going our way, but I think He wants use to know that the answer is not in spending more on your self in a meager attempt to keep up with the “Jones,” but in giving out of your weakness and self to others.  Nothing can beat or even imitate the feeling you get when you bless another person.  It really makes your own problems seem futile and insignificant.

Take time this season to receive the gift of the giver which is eternal life and peace by giving of yourself for another.  If you are unsure how, follow Christ, He gave the most perfect example.

Be Blessed!

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LOVE NEVER HURTS!!!!

16 Dec

I hate apartment living!  You can hear EVERYTHING that goes on in your neighbors house. The good and the bad.  The laughter is good sometimes, as long as its not too late at night when you are trying to get some sleep.  But the fights, the fights are what I hate…

I recently had some new neighbors move in upstairs.  And to my shock and dismay, they fight quite often.  Or should I say he beats her quite often.  Sometimes I can hear her crying and begging him to stop so loudly that it wakes me up out of my sleep.  It breaks my heart and I cry for her.  I can’t imagine why she stays or why he feels like its ok to continually beat on her.  But then I am reminded that she does stay and she allows him to keep doing it.

It is NEVER ok for someone to hit you!! You are beautiful, you are wonderful, you are special, and your life has purpose.  No man or woman should EVER be what you use to determine your worthiness.  If he loves you, he would CHERISH you, not hurt you.  Love never hurts.  Love is all that is good in this world so will never cause pain.  Ladies, please understand that you are valuable!!  You were placed on this earth and given a task that only you can do.  Men can not bring life into this world.  God blessed us with that gift, so don’t ever allow your body to be a punching bag for someone who can’t.

Yes, you have a choice!! Yes, you can leave!! NOTHING is more important than your life.  He is not worth it.  If he REALLY loved you, he wouldn’t hit you.  I can’t stress this enough.  As a woman, a mother, a sister, and a friend, I never want to see you misused and abused or treated any less that the queen you are.  Whether you are black, white, asian, hispanic, or anything in between, you are beautiful!! Never forget it.

If you are  in a situation where you are being physically abused and need help, call the police or contact the agencies listed below.  There are people out there that want to help you.

Is this abuse? www.loveisrespect.org

Domestic Violence and Abuse: Signs of Abuse and an Abusive Relationship: www.helpguide.org

The National Domestic Violence Hotline: www.thehotline.org

Be Blessed

You are good enough just the way you are!!

14 Dec

I had an interesting conversation with my children today about popularity, self-esteem, and self-acceptance.  I realized that even as young children, they deal with many, if not all of the same emotions that we as adults deal with.  It nearly broke my heart at the sound of my son rattling off to me all of the things that he thought was ‘wrong’ with him.  When I look at him, I see such a handsome young man, full of potential, ready to take on the world some day.  But he sees a totally different person when he looks in the mirror.  Even as a young man, he sees more flaws than he sees attributes.  My daughter is nearly obsessed with being thin, popular, the prettiest.  She craves and coerces any compliment she can get from someone and then basks in the thought that yet another person is confirming that she is, in fact, beautiful.

These observations tonight were an eye-opener for me in many ways.  On one hand, I really need to do a better job of pouring positive, Godly, affirmations over the lives of my children.  They need to hear from me EVERYDAY that they are wonderful and destined for great things.  I need to make sure that I am constantly encouraging them and expressing my joy and appreciation for who they are.  And I also need to make sure that I go overboard with their accomplishments. Over exaggerate how proud of them I am.  And constantly remind them of how beautiful the are.  On the other hand, I also need to be more mindful of what I say and do.  How I react to any given situation directly affects how they will react.  If I beat myself up over a mistake that I made, they will do the same.  If I walk around not believing in myself and not truly accepting myself for who I am, my children see that and will start behaving the same way.

Today, I saw myself in my son.  I saw the day that I decided that the person I am was not good enough for anyone and not worthy of anything good to happen.  I saw the day that I cried and cried and cried because I was angry at God for allowing me to live so long through so much.  I saw the time when I gave up my dreams and decided that there was no use for me to even try to achieve them because I wasn’t anybody special.  But I am old enough to understand that this type of reckless thinking is hazardous to my life.  I am wise enough to stop myself before I go too far.  And I have built my relationship with God, so I know that He will never leave me nor forsake me.  But my children are still learning these lessons.  They need to hear from me everyday that they are good enough just the way they are.  They need to be reminded daily that they are worthy and that they are precious and that their differences make them unique and their uniqueness makes them wonderful.

When we allow are children to just grow up instead of raising them, we allow destructive thinking to take root in their minds and in their hearts.  Once that seed is planted, it could take years to get rid of it.  Teaching them now to cast out those thoughts is key to preparing them for adversity in their adult life.  Understanding and learning to accept yourself is a key part of achieving any goal that you set in life.  Learning your limitations and restrictions places boundaries that you either chose to accept or learn to overcome.  But if we fail to pour into our children the proper tools of combating negative thinking, peer pressure, and destructive activities, then we have failed to fully equip them for this journey called life that they are soon about to embark on alone.  It is selfish of us to try to shield children from the world.  If they learn techniques on how to persevere now as young children, it won’t be as hard to adjust, adapt, and overcome as they grow older.

Let’s stop telling our children to suck it up when we should be helping them understand the struggles.  Le’s stop sugar-coating the pain instead of showing them how to overcome. Let’s stop perpetrating like things are perfect all the time and teach them how to be content with what they have.  Too many children are taking their own lives because of bullying.  Too many are resorting to crime because they want to keep up with their more affluent friends.  And too many are engaging in risky sexual activity because ‘everyone else is doing it.’  When we learn as children that we are good enough just the way we are, there is no intrigue with such risky behavior, we are have peace about who we are and feel no desire to prove ourselves to someone else just for their acceptance.  We have already accepted our self.  It is unfortunate that many adults, still have not come to this realization.

Everyday, speak over yourself, speak over your children.  There is power in your words, so choose them wisely.

Be Blessed!

I believe in love

11 Dec

There are few things in this life that are guaranteed.  Many believe those things are death and taxes-in that order.  But I believe that the power of love is guaranteed.  You see, some things can’t be healed, some things can’t be restored, some things can’t flourish, and some things can’t prosper without love.  Love is so powerful that it transcends each and every boundary known to man.  It drives out fear, stomps on doubt, and knocks over worry.  It can turn pain into joy, sorrow into peace, and pity into favor! Love can make you feel like you can do anything, be anyone, and go anywhere.  This emotion is not one to be taken lightly because its power is so immense.

Even if you have not had the absolute pleasure of experiencing the love of another human being, we have all felt the love of God.  There is no greater love. He gave His life for you and for me.  For the guy that cut you off on the interstate and caused you to total your new car.  For the girl who cheated on you with your best friend and spat in your face when you forgave her while proposing.  For the manager on your job that just stabbed you in the back in order to make himself look good.  Even for the guy that walked out on you, while you were 8 1/2 months pregnant, and never looked back.  He died for ALL of us.  Gladly!  How many of us can say that we would do that?  Oh yeah, dying for a friend is easy, you LOVE them, but how much do you love the man you despise?  Would you die for him or her?  What if they spat in your face, mocked you in front of your friends and family, pierced you in your side and left you to die with a thief and a murderer even though you were proven innocent? That is love!  That is what I believe in!

There are times when our faith in love is tested and we begin to feel like may be it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.  Sometimes we even feel like something may be wrong with us because we love so hard, or so pure and that love is not being reciprocated.  And sometimes, when what we thought started off as love falls apart, we get discouraged and declare that we will never try it again.  To that I say Don’t Give Up! It is my belief, that some of us have to go through extreme infatuation, lust, even like before we can truly appreciate and accept LOVE.  True love is without excuses, justification, or even clarification.  It just is.  Whether you want it or not, whether you accept it or not.

There is an abundance of love in the world for each and every one of us to experience.  And this time of year makes spreading it all the more fun!! Don’t be selfish, love somebody this Christmas!!

What if…

7 Dec

“Always do what you are afraid to do.”   -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Regardless of where you decide to go in life, what you decide to be, or who you decide to spend it with, each of us has been given an opportunity.  Some of us had more opportunity than others, but we all were given an opportunity.  It may have been the chance to go to college, or a chance to go to into the military.  For some, it may have just been the chance to live.  No matter how great or how small that opportunity was, there was a choice that had to be made.

Well, what if you did have a choice.  What if you were told what you were going to do every moment of every day of your life?  What if someone else decided what you will wear, what you will eat, what you will become, and what steps you will take to get there?  What if someone else decided for you who you will love, who will be your friend, and who will be your enemy?  What if it were pre-determined how your life is to be lived without any consideration to your opinion, your desires, or even your feelings?

Sadly, many of us don’t even realized that this is exactly what is happening.  When we don’t make conscious, informed decisions about everything in our life we are allowing someone else to make that decision for us.  When is the last time you actually read the ingredients of the product you use on your hair?  Your children’s hair?  When is the last time you read the plan brochure of your insurance provider to clearly see and understand your coverage? When is the last time you questioned your bank about its fees and verified that they were in accordance to what you accepted when you became a member of that institution?  And when is the last time you viewed your position description at work and lined it up with your duties and responsibilities and your last performance report?

If we are honest with ourselves, many of us don take the time to truly give our all to living this life so we “decide” that whatever will be, will be.  But this is not how we are to live our life.  We were not meant to leave things up to happenstance.  We are meant to plan, to ponder, to consider, and to act.  Don’t sit around and wait for someone or something to spark creativity or ambition in you, get up and make something happen!!

You are in perfect position in your life to change it.  We are blessed to live in a country and a culture where the opportunities are limitless.  The only thing stopping you from being all that you are meant to be is you.  Don’t settle for mediocre, when you can have excellence.  Don’t accept defeat, when you have a winning spirit.  And don’t hinder yourself, push yourself.  Instead of saying “What if I fail?,” start saying “What if I succeed..”

Beauty’s only skin deep…

5 Dec

What’s your story? C’mon, everybody has one.  When did you decided to believe that you were beautiful?  What was the determining factor in your life that made you believe, regardless of what anyone else said, that you were beautiful?  And if you haven’t gotten there yet, what is it going to take?

Yes, we all have flaws, little imperfections about ourselves that we see more clearly than others.  We all have areas on our body that we wish were a little more round, a little flatter, or a little less…something.  But at some point we have a decision to make, either we are going to accept ourselves for who we are or decide to change what we don’t like.  At some point, each and every one of us has to make a decision to love the person we see when we look in the mirror, despite what someone else says or thinks.

Self-acceptance is the first step in seeing the beauty inside.  Too many times, we choose to hold on to and believe the negative comments that are thrown at us on a daily basis.  These comments come in the form of sarcasm from co-workers, suggestions from family, and inferences from commercials.  We are constantly fed counter-productive opinions of how we should look, think, feel, talk, and act.  Yet, we are never asked about our own opinion of the person we have become.  Aren’t you tired of being a replica?  Are you ready to be an original?

Take time today and really look at yourself.  Ignore all the things you consider flaws, and focus on the things you consider gorgeous. Dissect your beauty.  From the curve of you hips to the nape of your neck, discover the beauty in you.

Move!

30 Nov

Run with it

Let your life come fully and positively to life. You are here on this glorious day, so make the very most of it.

You have passions and interests, so pursue them. You have dreams and desires, so get busy and fulfill them.

You have unique perspectives and opinions, so express them. A magnificent, fascinating universe surrounds you, so experience it.

There are people about whom you care deeply. So give them your time, your attention, your love and fellowship.

You’ve already experienced yesterday, so don’t live it again today. This is a day to bring new and interesting and meaningful substance into your life.

On this very day you have the priceless opportunity to live. Take that opportunity, right now, and run with it as far and as high as you possibly can.

— Ralph Marston

What are you afraid of?

29 Nov

Our Greatest Fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, Our presence automatically liberates others. —Marianne Williamson

Recently, someone reminded me that my success was not just for me, but for the others that I might inspire.  I was reminded that by holding back on the gifts that God has blessed me with, I was allowing someone else to suffer because they would not receive the blessing I am meant to deliver as a result of my life.  That struck a cord in my heart as I realized that they were right. When I thought of how many of my actions have persuaded someone else to leap or stand still I realized that my comfort zone was hindering me from being all that I was called to be-for someone else.

Fear is one of the most powerful tools.  It can cause a person to think and act irrational and in complete opposite of their true character.  It can cause a person to toss sound judgement to the wind and make foolish, rash decision.  It will cause more turmoil, heartache and pain in your life than adultery, fornication, murder, and abuse combined.  Fears and phobias can paralyze in such a way that even once you are free, you still don’t move because you are so used to not being able to.  But the opposite of fear is faith.  And faith without works is dead.   Therefore, the only way to remove the fear out of your life is by working your faith.  Taking action, moving, doing something.  Don’t just stand there, be wonderful. Be amazing.

Being fearfully and wonderfully made means that you are something to brag about.  It means that God took His time and made you with care and precision.  It means that you are a force to be reckoned with.  You shouldn’t be afraid of the world, the world should be afraid of you.  The power you possess inside of you is big enough, to change the world.  Your struggles were not meant to keep you down, but to build you up.  The road ahead of you may not always be easy, but because you have already dealt with some things,you are better equipped to handle whatever may come your way.  Just like a diamond has to endure much pressure before it becomes the priceless jewel that is sought after by millions, so do you.  Stop talking yourself out of the greatness inside you, instead speak life to yourself.  Yes, you do deserve it, yes it is meant for you, yes you can do it!

Be Blessed!

What are we doing?

29 Nov

Last night very good friend disclosed to me some very disturbing information about some decisions that their eldest child was making.  Although a bright student with endless potential, there were some moments of temporary insanity where she fought all the lessons her parents taught her and made a few decisions that could have changed the course of her life forever.  She became a teen mom during her senior year of high school.  Again, this is an exceptionally bright young lady, so this did not stop her from still graduating at the top 10% of her class.  With an extremely supportive family, she managed to go to the college of her choice and live on campus. She never had to think twice about financial aid, who was going to take care of her child, or even if she would have enough money to eat like many college students. This young lady had every opportunity to succeed handed to her on a silver platter.  This is where it gets crazy…

Somewhere over the course of her first semester in college, she decided that she would leave school, get married, and move herself and her very young child 3 states away from any family, friends, or support system that she has.  Somewhere along the line, she decided that taking online classes and becoming a wife and stay-at-home mother was better for her future than her current plan allows.  She has disregarded all reason and distanced herself from her family because she feels that her decisions are mature and that she does not need or want their opinion or approval.  After hearing this, my heart sank as if it were my our daughter.  I wanted to kick scream, yell, and cry out to her “Stop! Wait! What are you doing? Have you lost your mind?”  But even after being such a close friend of the family for so long, even my words were met with resistant ears…

As much as it hurts to admit, at some point we as parents have to sit back and say: What are we doing?  The majority of the population aged 30 and older can clearly remember the days when momma and daddy ran your life.  You raced home from school to do your homework as quickly, and correctly as possible so you could meet your friends at the playground-not in front of the television.  Then you raced home to beat the streetlights because you were well aware of the consequences otherwise from a past experience at coming home late.  You dared not even think of raising your voice, sassing, or even disagreeing with your parents, whether they be wrong or right.  These were the days that EVERY adult received respect, regardless of how irresponsible or immature they were.  And children were to be seen and not heard.  Families raised children together, so there was no way you could act up at the playground and your parents not know before you got home.  And EVERY night, you sat together, as a family, and had dinner and discussed the in and outs, good and bad of you day.  From daddy all the way down.

But our youth today aren’t being raised like that.  We, as parents, have gotten lazy. We don’t have time to parent. From infancy, we fill our children with outside influences that may or may not agree with our own moral character because we don have time to pay attention.  We sit them in front of the television to learn from the media life lessons we should be sitting on the couch teaching them.  We hide our struggle because we want our children to grow up better that we did, which only teaches them that life is supposed to always be perfect, leaving them ill-prepared for struggle and sacrifice.  And once they become teenagers, we treat them like adults instead of the children they still are.  Since when did corporate America become more important to us than our elementary schooler’s awards assembly?  When did fast food replace the healthy goodness of a home cooked meal?  Why are we allowing our pocket to do a cheap impersonation of ‘I love you’ when we spend money on kids for the latest, greatest toy, gadget or clothing? What is so important on the television that we would rather spend more time with it than taking our children to church, the park, or even sitting with them and talking or playing a game.

By no means am I saying that my friend did not raise their daughter in the best way that they knew how, but the question I am asking is what are we doing to truly prepare our youth to make sound, rational decisions as adults?  It is time that we slow down, listen to them, understand what they are thinking, and get involved with their lives.  We as parents need to be transparent in front of our children and have real life discussion with them about struggle, sacrifice, success, prosperity.  We need to teach them their value and worth and be encouraging of their dreams and supportive of their hopes.   But most importantly, we need to LISTEN to them, not just hear them.  There are no closed doors in my house because we have no secrets.  I am still young and have a long way to go, but my prayer is that I remember these lessons that I am learning from my more mature friends, and as I put them into practice everyday, both of my children will be fully prepared to enter the world and make sound, rational decisions about their future.

Be Blessed!

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