I had an interesting conversation with my children today about popularity, self-esteem, and self-acceptance. I realized that even as young children, they deal with many, if not all of the same emotions that we as adults deal with. It nearly broke my heart at the sound of my son rattling off to me all of the things that he thought was ‘wrong’ with him. When I look at him, I see such a handsome young man, full of potential, ready to take on the world some day. But he sees a totally different person when he looks in the mirror. Even as a young man, he sees more flaws than he sees attributes. My daughter is nearly obsessed with being thin, popular, the prettiest. She craves and coerces any compliment she can get from someone and then basks in the thought that yet another person is confirming that she is, in fact, beautiful.
These observations tonight were an eye-opener for me in many ways. On one hand, I really need to do a better job of pouring positive, Godly, affirmations over the lives of my children. They need to hear from me EVERYDAY that they are wonderful and destined for great things. I need to make sure that I am constantly encouraging them and expressing my joy and appreciation for who they are. And I also need to make sure that I go overboard with their accomplishments. Over exaggerate how proud of them I am. And constantly remind them of how beautiful the are. On the other hand, I also need to be more mindful of what I say and do. How I react to any given situation directly affects how they will react. If I beat myself up over a mistake that I made, they will do the same. If I walk around not believing in myself and not truly accepting myself for who I am, my children see that and will start behaving the same way.
Today, I saw myself in my son. I saw the day that I decided that the person I am was not good enough for anyone and not worthy of anything good to happen. I saw the day that I cried and cried and cried because I was angry at God for allowing me to live so long through so much. I saw the time when I gave up my dreams and decided that there was no use for me to even try to achieve them because I wasn’t anybody special. But I am old enough to understand that this type of reckless thinking is hazardous to my life. I am wise enough to stop myself before I go too far. And I have built my relationship with God, so I know that He will never leave me nor forsake me. But my children are still learning these lessons. They need to hear from me everyday that they are good enough just the way they are. They need to be reminded daily that they are worthy and that they are precious and that their differences make them unique and their uniqueness makes them wonderful.
When we allow are children to just grow up instead of raising them, we allow destructive thinking to take root in their minds and in their hearts. Once that seed is planted, it could take years to get rid of it. Teaching them now to cast out those thoughts is key to preparing them for adversity in their adult life. Understanding and learning to accept yourself is a key part of achieving any goal that you set in life. Learning your limitations and restrictions places boundaries that you either chose to accept or learn to overcome. But if we fail to pour into our children the proper tools of combating negative thinking, peer pressure, and destructive activities, then we have failed to fully equip them for this journey called life that they are soon about to embark on alone. It is selfish of us to try to shield children from the world. If they learn techniques on how to persevere now as young children, it won’t be as hard to adjust, adapt, and overcome as they grow older.
Let’s stop telling our children to suck it up when we should be helping them understand the struggles. Le’s stop sugar-coating the pain instead of showing them how to overcome. Let’s stop perpetrating like things are perfect all the time and teach them how to be content with what they have. Too many children are taking their own lives because of bullying. Too many are resorting to crime because they want to keep up with their more affluent friends. And too many are engaging in risky sexual activity because ‘everyone else is doing it.’ When we learn as children that we are good enough just the way we are, there is no intrigue with such risky behavior, we are have peace about who we are and feel no desire to prove ourselves to someone else just for their acceptance. We have already accepted our self. It is unfortunate that many adults, still have not come to this realization.
Everyday, speak over yourself, speak over your children. There is power in your words, so choose them wisely.
Be Blessed!
SocialVibe