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Frustration…

10 Feb

I have recently made some very drastic decisions about my life and where I want to go from here.  I have decided to let go of all my past hurts, fears, reservations, and apprehensions.  I have decided that I will no longer hide behind the familiarity or loneliness of isolation.  But I never realized how truly difficult this would be!?!?  I mean, all I have ever done was spend time with me.  And when I had children, the three of us became inseparable.  What am I supposed to do now?  How am I supposed to act? And why in the world would I want to risk my delicate psyche on fallible people?!?! But this decision, like all, is not based solely on my own emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being, but also on that of my children.  How can I teach them to be confident and engaging and socially conscience if I am neither of those things?  I can’t fuss at my son for not making friends if I’m hiding from the world.  And how is my daughter supposed to decipher between friends and frienemies if her mother doesn’t allow anyone to get past the front door.

There are so many things that I want to do with my life, but for so long I have talked myself out of doing them because of fear. I mean, who am I to succeed at anything?  I came from nothing, grew up with nothing, lived in nothing, and am going to die with nothing, right?!  If that is true,  why do I feel so compelled to do MORE!?!?  Why do I want more, desire more, strive for more?  It’s like a catch 22 in my life.  I want to be better, do better, give more; yet I am terrified of humiliation and failure. Thoughts run through my mind  that tell me that I am wasting my time and I need to go sit down somewhere and be quiet before I stir up something that I really don’t want.  Or even better, ‘why would anyone want to be stuck with me and my two children, they have better things to do with their time’.  And the worst one, ‘Things have always been this way and no matter what I do, they aren’t ever going to change, so why even try?’  Two weeks ago, I validated these thoughts because I believed they were true.  I would tell myself that thinking I could do or be better was just my imagination running away with me.  Instead of going forward in my dreams, I talked myself into giving them up completely.  And now here I am trying to revive them again.

This is not an easy task.  Though I am comforted in the realization that whatever God has called me to be, I will be, regardless of how I sabotage myself-which I do, we all do if we are truthful with ourselves.  But trying to do this and constantly having to chastise myself for all the negativity I think on a daily basis is difficult.  Sometimes I remember and correct myself, other times, I get weighed down with the daunting task at hand and start to retreat back into my shell.  :-(   Oh, but greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world!!  I’m just getting started on this journey and it is definitely going to be a long road ahead.  Maybe I will achieve some of the goals that I originally had, maybe not.  But anything has to be better than this.

Be Blessed!!

‘Til death do us part…

27 Jan

I, _____, take you ______, to be my wedded husband/wife. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, ’till death do us part. And hereto I pledge you my faithfulness.

Many of us say and recite these words at our wedding ceremony without really understanding the depth and significance of them.  Many of us hear them and get nostalgic at the thought of getting married and all the Good that comes with the title. But many of us also fail to realize that these words are an outward confession before God and man that you will be there through the good AND the bad!!!  Yes, there are many bad things that can happen; job less, abuse, infidelity, childlessness.  And although all of those situations are extremely stressful and difficult to overcome, many people fail to realize the impact and magnitude that death can bring.  I was unfortunate enough to have to deal with this at a very young age.  I will say that it was the HARDEST thing that I have ever had to deal with in my life and it has taken me a LONG time to do so.  My prayer is that my words here will not only bring light to the turmoil and severity of grief, but encouragement for someone that not all days will be crying days and that it is ok to let go.  It is a continual process, but the day will come when you can smile genuinely again.

I remember it as clearly as if it happened yesterday.  I was talking to my sponsor while in-processing at my very first duty station after completing Army basic training.  He asked if I had any family coming and I proudly and confidently replied that my husband was only a few hours away.  He was driving from Va to Ga in our brand new car.  We had only been married 5 months and I spent 4 of those in Army training.  We were excited to start our life together, young, full of expectation, and ready for the world.  Little did I know, but at the moment that I was allowing myself to fly forward into our future in my imagination, he was hurdling uncontrollably into the opposite direction of traffic into the the direct path of two tractor trailers.  The impact was fatal, so he felt no pain.  At least, that is what they told me.  But how could I not torment myself for the next several years over the fact that he probably knew that things weren’t going to end well as he watched himself barreling towards those trucks, fighting to control the wheel.  The consultation, they said, was that he was not drunk, speeding, sleepy, or distracted. REALLY?!?! Was that supposed to make me feel better?!?!?

To add insult to injury, I did not even find out about the accident until 12 hours later when I called my dad after my husband did not show up at the time we had discussed.  Maybe he got lost? Or stopped somewhere to rest and would be there a little later.  The furthest thing from my mind was that something as horrible as a car accident would take him from me.  My father was near hysteria when I called him.  You see, the authorities assumed that I was also in the car and spent several hours attempting to find my body that they thought was thrown from the car.  Because we were moving, my husband had many of my things in the car with him which lead the authorities to think that I was with him.  The last time I saw my husband was from the window of the airport as he was waving goodbye to me as my flight was taking off.  I remember begging him to let me stay and make the drive with him and him insisting that I needed to sign in on time and not be delayed.  This was my first duty station and he wanted to make sure that I made a good impression on my leadership. I can’t tell you how many times I prayed and wished that I had insisted on not leaving him.  I beat myself up for years about how if I had been with him, the accident may not have happened or at least we would have died together…

Little did I know that finding out about the accident was the easy part.  The next 14 years, I spent blaming myself, cursing myself, and sabotaging my own success because I didn’t feel worthy to live.  Why should I be successful or find happiness when he died?  I let guilt tell me that I had no right to find love anywhere else, and I let the world tell me how I should mourn and react to his death.  For years, I ran away from close relationships and ostracized myself from friends and family for fear that if I cared too much about anyone, then they would suffer the same fate.  You see, I had convinced myself that I was the reason he died.  It was all my fault. And if anyone ever found out then the same thing would happen to them.  I played over and over in my head horrible scenarios of the people I knew dying in plane crashes and car accidents.  And when I had children, I became paralyzed with fear that they would die soon as well. I never wanted to have them out of my sight.  No, they couldn’t visit family, friends, or any one else.  They couldn’t have friends over because I didn’t want to be responsible if something happen to another child under my watch.  Oh, and that was just the beginning.

Success became something that I never took seriously because I had convinced myself that just living each day was enough punishment for me.  That is what I was doing.  I had been punishing myself for his death. He was his mother’s oldest child, only son, and the first grandchild.  He was the love of his entire family and anyone else who knew him. Yet he chose me.  A nobody.  I never felt special growing up, yet in high school, he thought I was the most beautiful girl in the world.  But why did I have to take him from his family?!?! If he had never married me, if he had never left to be with me, if we had never met…then he would still be alive today.  This guilt wracked my emotions so badly that I even stayed away from his family feeling that they hated me and had every right to.  I took away their son, their brother, their nephew, their cousin.  I was the enemy.

I sought counseling at one point.  But that only made things worse.  The first counselor that I saw was in remission of her cancer when we started our sessions.  Sadly, within 3 months of meeting with her, the cancer came back with a vengeance and claimed her life. If that wasn’t enough to shake my already frail mental and emotional state, the exact some thing happened with the next counselor I saw!!  I am not sure if she lived because as soon as she told me the cancer was back, I stopped seeing her hoping that my bad luck would fall off of her.  I would not be able to handle the thought of someone else dieing because of me.  I know that sounds ridiculous, but this is the reality of where I was at the time.  I couldn’t see and understand that these circumstances had nothing to do with me.  All I could see was that I was the common denominator.

We got married young. I was 17 and he was 18.  I was not old enough or mature enough to understand that ’til death do us part meant exactly that. So every time I started a new relationship, I began to feel like I was cheating om my husband.  I never gave any of them a fighting chance.  I didn’t deserve happiness, and on top of that, how was I going to explain this new man to my husband when we all died and got to heaven.  I would imagine my husband being furious and hurt that I had moved on and found someone new.  How could I so easily replace him? What happened to all the love I proclaimed?  This was the hardest part for me.  How could I truly move on? I had pledged my life to this man, and I took those vows seriously.  Every year, I forced myself to relive the agony of his death in order to stay focused on why I could never let him go.  I had convinced myself that this is how I am supposed to feel, to live.  I am NEVER supposed to forget. Yet that is exactly what started to happen…

I started to forget his voice, his touch, his face. And I became angry at myself all over again for not holding up my end of the deal.  He died, the least I could do is remember him!! Yes, I still have pictures of him, but I shouldn’t have to look at a picture to remember that man I profess before God and man to love for eternity.  But that’s it. That’s the revelation that I overlooked.  I didn’t promise eternity.  I promised til death. ‘Til death do us part means that when he died, my vow was broken.  That wasn’t a bad thing, it just meant that it was just over.  It is ok to forget sometimes.  I don’t expect to remember him exactly when I am 50. And he doesn’t care at this point because he is GONE. Forever.  He is no longer of this world.  And truth be told, because he loved me so much, he would be hurt to know how much I put myself through all of these years.  He would not want me to be still holding on to him like this.  He would hug me and kiss me and tell me that it is ok and it is time to let him go.

The bible says to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. So that is where he is, with God.  Probably praying and making intercession for me.  Pleading with Jesus to ask His father to send peace to my heart.  Asking him to deliver me because for such a long time, I couldn’t see for myself that I needed deliverance.  Even now, as I type this, there are no tears falling.  For the time for tears has long since passed.  I thank and praise God that I was able to love him and cherish him for the time that he was with me, but he is gone now and I have to make room in my heart for the blessing that God has for me.  In order to do that, I have to serve an eviction notice to the guilt and fear that has lived there for so long.  As the Apostle Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 15:55 “…Death has been swallowed in victory…O Death, where is your sting?…”

Today marks 14 years since I lost my first love. In the years past, I have always dreaded this day because it conjured old feelings of loss, pain, heartache, and longing. This day always reminded me of the happiness I lost and feared that I would never find again. This day has always had me regretful and depressed. But the time has come for me to let it go. I can no longer cry for him and wish things were different. He is gone and no matter how much I try, I can not bring him back. From this day forward, although I will NEVER forget you Frederick Antwan Johnson, I can no longer mourn your death, I must celebrate your life. Every year the guilt of possibly forgetting you and how much you meant to me, yet not being able to visit your grave as I’d like has kept me from letting you go. But I can’t continue to allow that devil to hold me hostage, stuck in the past. I love you and will never forget you, but from this day forward may you rest in peace. 7/22/79-1/27/98

Be Blessed!!

What are you worried about?

10 Jan

“Martha, Martha,…you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed-or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:41-42

During the first month of the year, many churches across the country, including mine, spend this time in consecration in order to more clearly hear from God about what His plans are for their lives, their ministries, and their future.  Consecration means to be dedicated to the service or work of a deity (God). Yet many of us do the exact opposite during this time.  We spend our time dieting in stead of fasting and then to feel better about the whole experience, we pray and ask God for forgiveness, help, and validation that we are doing it right instead of merely seeking Him and His will for our lives.  This time should not be about what WE want to do in this next year, but seeking God and getting closer to Him so that our actions throughout the year reflect His plan and purpose, not just for our own lives, but also for those that we are connected to.  We should not be spending this time trying to figure out how to make this fast less challenging, if we are truly consecrating ourselves before the Lord, the sacrifice of food that we are making is completely irrelevant, so much so that the reality is that you should be repulsed by the thought of food and what little nourishment you are receiving is simply to sustain you to do the work of the kingdom.

Instead many of us are crying and whining to God about the mistakes we made int he past and how we want Him to help us do better int he future.  God is not concerned about our past mistakes, and He only wants us to be totally submitted to Him so that He can carry us through our future.  We were never meant to walk it alone-in any sense of the word.  Even in the garden of Eden, after God created Eve to be a helpmeet for Adam, He was still there to carry them, lead them, and guide them.  They did not worry about what they would wear, or what they would eat, or if their career or educational goals would be achieved (Matt 6:25-34).  They spent their days seeking only to please God.

This can be difficult for us as humans to understand.  What do you mean don’t worry about the future?  How am I going to feed my kids, pay the rent, plan for my future? But what we fail to remember is the God holds the future in His hands.  It has already been determined.  Regardless of what we do or say, or WORRY about, it is already done.  It is taken care of so there is no need to worry.  When is the last time you have seen birds die of starvation?  Even the roaches lived through the Ice Age!! So what makes you think that God cares for you any less?! He made you ruler over ALL these things (Gensis 1:26-30)!!

So stop worrying!  God’s got your back.

Be Blessed!!

Reflecting on the Year…

31 Dec

As we prepare to close this year out and begin another, I took time today to reflect on this year and everything that came with it.  This has definitely been a trying year for me.  I can not for certain say that I am ended it better than I started, but I can say that I am ending it a much different person than I started.  I saw myself as I haven’t ever seen me before. I gained and lost friends.  I inspired some and disgusted others.  I grew in some areas, and in others, I realized that I still have a lot of growing up to do.

This year, I became the mother of a pre-teen, and a very intelligent third-grader (I swear she has been here before. Lol).  I looked at my children this year and realized that they will not be mine forever, and that they aren’t even mine now.  My children are gifts on loan and this year taught me that I can only encourage them to cherish each day that they are given and to take full advantage of every opportunity and adventure that is afforded to them.  This year, I realized just how much my healthy outlook on my life and future affects them in EVERY way.  I realized that right now, I am all they have, so I have to be all that I can be so that they are free to do the same.

This year, I took a hard look at myself and saw all my flaws.  I saw everything that I failed to let go that was holding me back.  I saw all the things that I ignored and hoped would just go away because my fear paralyzed me and would not allow me to be free.  This year, I saw the person I was and no longer want to be.  I understood that this change HAS to start inside of me and started taking baby steps to make it happen.  This year, I attempted to set aside every thing that has kept me full of JUNK and tried to really and truly let it go.  I did not succeed in everything, but I learned that it can be done.  And that it actually hurts less than you think.

This year, I did my best to stop buffering myself from the hardness and the pain of difficult circumstances.  I got stronger, and started to tear down some walls. There are still quite a few left, but for me…it’s a start.  I have a long road ahead of me, but I am confident and on my way to a more healthy relationship with myself because of the steps I have taken this year.

2012 will be very different for me and my family. I will no longer be afraid of myself and my potential.  I will learn to embrace it and drive full speed ahead into my destiny and the life that God called me to lead.  This may not make sense to many of you, but it makes perfect sense to me.  This year, I realized that my beautiful was not in the sway of my hips or the curve of my smile.  It is not in the seduction of my voice or the power of my walk.  My beauty is found in the confidence that I have in myself, the faith  I have in God, and the fear that I am learning to overcome each and every day.  My beauty is the the relationships I have with the people in my life.  My beauty is in the love my children have for me and the love I return to them.  My beauty is in realizing my worth, and if I haven’t learned anything else in 2011, I learned to love me for who I am.

My prayer today for each if you is to find this same peace in the coming year if you have not already.  Beauty is not measured by what we see on TV or by what another individual thinks of us.  It is measured by the person staring back at us when we look in the mirror.  When they say that ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder,’ they are talking about you.  When you look at yourself and see yourself as beautiful, there is nothing that anyone can say or do that will change the way you view the world.

Happy New Year!!

Be Blessed!

The gift of the giver…

22 Dec

‘Tis the season… to what?  Get as many gifts as you can? Spend as much money as you can?  Outdo the next person with newest, latest, greatest thing?  Over the years, the society that we live in has twisted and contorted the true meaning of Christmas and created a season of debt which leads to overspending.  They have take the love out of the season and traded it in for greed.  We have become so accustomed to spending money during the holiday season that our children feel jilted when they don’t receive what they asked for regardless of their behavior, grades, or attitudes.  Even other adults look at you like something is seriously wrong with you because you haven’t spent at least half of your paycheck getting your children, friends, family, co-workers, and associates the BEST gift you can afford.  Never mind that you have bills to pay, “sacrificing” your bill money has become acceptable during this season.  Even the humble task of helping those less fortunate than yourself has turned into a competition to see who can bless the most homeless, who can buy the most presents for the angel tree recipient, and who can contribute the most tax-deductible charitable dollars.  It is no longer about caring for someone else, but about much we can get other to notice how much bling we acquire this season.

We have forgotten the real reason for this season entirely.  This season was set aside many years ago to celebrate the birth of a savior.  A humble man, born into poverty and lack only to die in injustice.  We celebrate God’s gift of life in this season and how precious it was.  In honor of the sacrifice He made for us, we should be giving of our self.  We should be sacrificing our time and our talent, not just during this season but throughout the year.  What have you encountered during this time that required you to get outside of your comfort zone? What has come to you this season that has required you to get over your attitude and humble yourself for the benefit of another person?  When is the last time you stopped thinking about your needs and took into account someone else’s.

It is important that we take time and understand that this season is about the birth of a child, caring for others, and promoting selflessness because it is the right thing to do.  This season should serve as a reminder to us all that our lives are fleeting and worthy to be cherished.  Every time you sacrifice your time, talent, and energy for some else, you are giving life to a dream, a vision, a hope in another person. When you give of yourself, you receive a priceless intangible gift that can never be returned.  You receive encouragement to your soul and strength in your spirit.  When you take time to do for others, you don’t have time to worry about your own problems.  Helping someone else out of their situation helps you out of your own.  You receive peace and  joy.  Your spirit is calmed and at ease, and you are able to truly enjoy life.

God knew that there would be times when you are overwhelmed with our own life and feel like things aren’t going our way, but I think He wants use to know that the answer is not in spending more on your self in a meager attempt to keep up with the “Jones,” but in giving out of your weakness and self to others.  Nothing can beat or even imitate the feeling you get when you bless another person.  It really makes your own problems seem futile and insignificant.

Take time this season to receive the gift of the giver which is eternal life and peace by giving of yourself for another.  If you are unsure how, follow Christ, He gave the most perfect example.

Be Blessed!

You are good enough just the way you are!!

14 Dec

I had an interesting conversation with my children today about popularity, self-esteem, and self-acceptance.  I realized that even as young children, they deal with many, if not all of the same emotions that we as adults deal with.  It nearly broke my heart at the sound of my son rattling off to me all of the things that he thought was ‘wrong’ with him.  When I look at him, I see such a handsome young man, full of potential, ready to take on the world some day.  But he sees a totally different person when he looks in the mirror.  Even as a young man, he sees more flaws than he sees attributes.  My daughter is nearly obsessed with being thin, popular, the prettiest.  She craves and coerces any compliment she can get from someone and then basks in the thought that yet another person is confirming that she is, in fact, beautiful.

These observations tonight were an eye-opener for me in many ways.  On one hand, I really need to do a better job of pouring positive, Godly, affirmations over the lives of my children.  They need to hear from me EVERYDAY that they are wonderful and destined for great things.  I need to make sure that I am constantly encouraging them and expressing my joy and appreciation for who they are.  And I also need to make sure that I go overboard with their accomplishments. Over exaggerate how proud of them I am.  And constantly remind them of how beautiful the are.  On the other hand, I also need to be more mindful of what I say and do.  How I react to any given situation directly affects how they will react.  If I beat myself up over a mistake that I made, they will do the same.  If I walk around not believing in myself and not truly accepting myself for who I am, my children see that and will start behaving the same way.

Today, I saw myself in my son.  I saw the day that I decided that the person I am was not good enough for anyone and not worthy of anything good to happen.  I saw the day that I cried and cried and cried because I was angry at God for allowing me to live so long through so much.  I saw the time when I gave up my dreams and decided that there was no use for me to even try to achieve them because I wasn’t anybody special.  But I am old enough to understand that this type of reckless thinking is hazardous to my life.  I am wise enough to stop myself before I go too far.  And I have built my relationship with God, so I know that He will never leave me nor forsake me.  But my children are still learning these lessons.  They need to hear from me everyday that they are good enough just the way they are.  They need to be reminded daily that they are worthy and that they are precious and that their differences make them unique and their uniqueness makes them wonderful.

When we allow are children to just grow up instead of raising them, we allow destructive thinking to take root in their minds and in their hearts.  Once that seed is planted, it could take years to get rid of it.  Teaching them now to cast out those thoughts is key to preparing them for adversity in their adult life.  Understanding and learning to accept yourself is a key part of achieving any goal that you set in life.  Learning your limitations and restrictions places boundaries that you either chose to accept or learn to overcome.  But if we fail to pour into our children the proper tools of combating negative thinking, peer pressure, and destructive activities, then we have failed to fully equip them for this journey called life that they are soon about to embark on alone.  It is selfish of us to try to shield children from the world.  If they learn techniques on how to persevere now as young children, it won’t be as hard to adjust, adapt, and overcome as they grow older.

Let’s stop telling our children to suck it up when we should be helping them understand the struggles.  Le’s stop sugar-coating the pain instead of showing them how to overcome. Let’s stop perpetrating like things are perfect all the time and teach them how to be content with what they have.  Too many children are taking their own lives because of bullying.  Too many are resorting to crime because they want to keep up with their more affluent friends.  And too many are engaging in risky sexual activity because ‘everyone else is doing it.’  When we learn as children that we are good enough just the way we are, there is no intrigue with such risky behavior, we are have peace about who we are and feel no desire to prove ourselves to someone else just for their acceptance.  We have already accepted our self.  It is unfortunate that many adults, still have not come to this realization.

Everyday, speak over yourself, speak over your children.  There is power in your words, so choose them wisely.

Be Blessed!

I believe in love

11 Dec

There are few things in this life that are guaranteed.  Many believe those things are death and taxes-in that order.  But I believe that the power of love is guaranteed.  You see, some things can’t be healed, some things can’t be restored, some things can’t flourish, and some things can’t prosper without love.  Love is so powerful that it transcends each and every boundary known to man.  It drives out fear, stomps on doubt, and knocks over worry.  It can turn pain into joy, sorrow into peace, and pity into favor! Love can make you feel like you can do anything, be anyone, and go anywhere.  This emotion is not one to be taken lightly because its power is so immense.

Even if you have not had the absolute pleasure of experiencing the love of another human being, we have all felt the love of God.  There is no greater love. He gave His life for you and for me.  For the guy that cut you off on the interstate and caused you to total your new car.  For the girl who cheated on you with your best friend and spat in your face when you forgave her while proposing.  For the manager on your job that just stabbed you in the back in order to make himself look good.  Even for the guy that walked out on you, while you were 8 1/2 months pregnant, and never looked back.  He died for ALL of us.  Gladly!  How many of us can say that we would do that?  Oh yeah, dying for a friend is easy, you LOVE them, but how much do you love the man you despise?  Would you die for him or her?  What if they spat in your face, mocked you in front of your friends and family, pierced you in your side and left you to die with a thief and a murderer even though you were proven innocent? That is love!  That is what I believe in!

There are times when our faith in love is tested and we begin to feel like may be it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.  Sometimes we even feel like something may be wrong with us because we love so hard, or so pure and that love is not being reciprocated.  And sometimes, when what we thought started off as love falls apart, we get discouraged and declare that we will never try it again.  To that I say Don’t Give Up! It is my belief, that some of us have to go through extreme infatuation, lust, even like before we can truly appreciate and accept LOVE.  True love is without excuses, justification, or even clarification.  It just is.  Whether you want it or not, whether you accept it or not.

There is an abundance of love in the world for each and every one of us to experience.  And this time of year makes spreading it all the more fun!! Don’t be selfish, love somebody this Christmas!!

What if…

7 Dec

“Always do what you are afraid to do.”   -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Regardless of where you decide to go in life, what you decide to be, or who you decide to spend it with, each of us has been given an opportunity.  Some of us had more opportunity than others, but we all were given an opportunity.  It may have been the chance to go to college, or a chance to go to into the military.  For some, it may have just been the chance to live.  No matter how great or how small that opportunity was, there was a choice that had to be made.

Well, what if you did have a choice.  What if you were told what you were going to do every moment of every day of your life?  What if someone else decided what you will wear, what you will eat, what you will become, and what steps you will take to get there?  What if someone else decided for you who you will love, who will be your friend, and who will be your enemy?  What if it were pre-determined how your life is to be lived without any consideration to your opinion, your desires, or even your feelings?

Sadly, many of us don’t even realized that this is exactly what is happening.  When we don’t make conscious, informed decisions about everything in our life we are allowing someone else to make that decision for us.  When is the last time you actually read the ingredients of the product you use on your hair?  Your children’s hair?  When is the last time you read the plan brochure of your insurance provider to clearly see and understand your coverage? When is the last time you questioned your bank about its fees and verified that they were in accordance to what you accepted when you became a member of that institution?  And when is the last time you viewed your position description at work and lined it up with your duties and responsibilities and your last performance report?

If we are honest with ourselves, many of us don take the time to truly give our all to living this life so we “decide” that whatever will be, will be.  But this is not how we are to live our life.  We were not meant to leave things up to happenstance.  We are meant to plan, to ponder, to consider, and to act.  Don’t sit around and wait for someone or something to spark creativity or ambition in you, get up and make something happen!!

You are in perfect position in your life to change it.  We are blessed to live in a country and a culture where the opportunities are limitless.  The only thing stopping you from being all that you are meant to be is you.  Don’t settle for mediocre, when you can have excellence.  Don’t accept defeat, when you have a winning spirit.  And don’t hinder yourself, push yourself.  Instead of saying “What if I fail?,” start saying “What if I succeed..”

What are you afraid of?

29 Nov

Our Greatest Fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, Our presence automatically liberates others. —Marianne Williamson

Recently, someone reminded me that my success was not just for me, but for the others that I might inspire.  I was reminded that by holding back on the gifts that God has blessed me with, I was allowing someone else to suffer because they would not receive the blessing I am meant to deliver as a result of my life.  That struck a cord in my heart as I realized that they were right. When I thought of how many of my actions have persuaded someone else to leap or stand still I realized that my comfort zone was hindering me from being all that I was called to be-for someone else.

Fear is one of the most powerful tools.  It can cause a person to think and act irrational and in complete opposite of their true character.  It can cause a person to toss sound judgement to the wind and make foolish, rash decision.  It will cause more turmoil, heartache and pain in your life than adultery, fornication, murder, and abuse combined.  Fears and phobias can paralyze in such a way that even once you are free, you still don’t move because you are so used to not being able to.  But the opposite of fear is faith.  And faith without works is dead.   Therefore, the only way to remove the fear out of your life is by working your faith.  Taking action, moving, doing something.  Don’t just stand there, be wonderful. Be amazing.

Being fearfully and wonderfully made means that you are something to brag about.  It means that God took His time and made you with care and precision.  It means that you are a force to be reckoned with.  You shouldn’t be afraid of the world, the world should be afraid of you.  The power you possess inside of you is big enough, to change the world.  Your struggles were not meant to keep you down, but to build you up.  The road ahead of you may not always be easy, but because you have already dealt with some things,you are better equipped to handle whatever may come your way.  Just like a diamond has to endure much pressure before it becomes the priceless jewel that is sought after by millions, so do you.  Stop talking yourself out of the greatness inside you, instead speak life to yourself.  Yes, you do deserve it, yes it is meant for you, yes you can do it!

Be Blessed!

What are we doing?

29 Nov

Last night very good friend disclosed to me some very disturbing information about some decisions that their eldest child was making.  Although a bright student with endless potential, there were some moments of temporary insanity where she fought all the lessons her parents taught her and made a few decisions that could have changed the course of her life forever.  She became a teen mom during her senior year of high school.  Again, this is an exceptionally bright young lady, so this did not stop her from still graduating at the top 10% of her class.  With an extremely supportive family, she managed to go to the college of her choice and live on campus. She never had to think twice about financial aid, who was going to take care of her child, or even if she would have enough money to eat like many college students. This young lady had every opportunity to succeed handed to her on a silver platter.  This is where it gets crazy…

Somewhere over the course of her first semester in college, she decided that she would leave school, get married, and move herself and her very young child 3 states away from any family, friends, or support system that she has.  Somewhere along the line, she decided that taking online classes and becoming a wife and stay-at-home mother was better for her future than her current plan allows.  She has disregarded all reason and distanced herself from her family because she feels that her decisions are mature and that she does not need or want their opinion or approval.  After hearing this, my heart sank as if it were my our daughter.  I wanted to kick scream, yell, and cry out to her “Stop! Wait! What are you doing? Have you lost your mind?”  But even after being such a close friend of the family for so long, even my words were met with resistant ears…

As much as it hurts to admit, at some point we as parents have to sit back and say: What are we doing?  The majority of the population aged 30 and older can clearly remember the days when momma and daddy ran your life.  You raced home from school to do your homework as quickly, and correctly as possible so you could meet your friends at the playground-not in front of the television.  Then you raced home to beat the streetlights because you were well aware of the consequences otherwise from a past experience at coming home late.  You dared not even think of raising your voice, sassing, or even disagreeing with your parents, whether they be wrong or right.  These were the days that EVERY adult received respect, regardless of how irresponsible or immature they were.  And children were to be seen and not heard.  Families raised children together, so there was no way you could act up at the playground and your parents not know before you got home.  And EVERY night, you sat together, as a family, and had dinner and discussed the in and outs, good and bad of you day.  From daddy all the way down.

But our youth today aren’t being raised like that.  We, as parents, have gotten lazy. We don’t have time to parent. From infancy, we fill our children with outside influences that may or may not agree with our own moral character because we don have time to pay attention.  We sit them in front of the television to learn from the media life lessons we should be sitting on the couch teaching them.  We hide our struggle because we want our children to grow up better that we did, which only teaches them that life is supposed to always be perfect, leaving them ill-prepared for struggle and sacrifice.  And once they become teenagers, we treat them like adults instead of the children they still are.  Since when did corporate America become more important to us than our elementary schooler’s awards assembly?  When did fast food replace the healthy goodness of a home cooked meal?  Why are we allowing our pocket to do a cheap impersonation of ‘I love you’ when we spend money on kids for the latest, greatest toy, gadget or clothing? What is so important on the television that we would rather spend more time with it than taking our children to church, the park, or even sitting with them and talking or playing a game.

By no means am I saying that my friend did not raise their daughter in the best way that they knew how, but the question I am asking is what are we doing to truly prepare our youth to make sound, rational decisions as adults?  It is time that we slow down, listen to them, understand what they are thinking, and get involved with their lives.  We as parents need to be transparent in front of our children and have real life discussion with them about struggle, sacrifice, success, prosperity.  We need to teach them their value and worth and be encouraging of their dreams and supportive of their hopes.   But most importantly, we need to LISTEN to them, not just hear them.  There are no closed doors in my house because we have no secrets.  I am still young and have a long way to go, but my prayer is that I remember these lessons that I am learning from my more mature friends, and as I put them into practice everyday, both of my children will be fully prepared to enter the world and make sound, rational decisions about their future.

Be Blessed!

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